Second Trimester - The Honeymoon Period?

I entered the second trimester right before Thanksgiving and my all day/all night long nausea continued strong. I did get a small reprieve on Thanksgiving enough for me to bake rolls and eat a decent Thanksgiving meal. But most of the time, it stayed with me and I didn't eat much until right after Christmas while we were on vacation in San Diego.

Week 16

Just like everyone said would happen, I woke up one day after Christmas and realized that I didn't have that nagging nausea on my stomach. A Christmas miracle! I felt so good I went out for a 3 mile run - yes, a run - something that I had given up on because I always felt like running brought me one  step closer to vomiting. 

Finally got some energy to finish Matt's t-shirt blanket which I had started in April 2014

I enjoyed food again and didn't go crazy eating all the time but I didn't hold back if I was hungry either. And it didn't help that Matt's family loves sweets and dessert.

By the time I got home from vacation and went to the doctor, I discovered that I had gained 11 pounds since my last visit a month before! 11 pounds! Yep, both my doctor and I were amazed. Crazy what your body does when it can process food again. Since my doctor wanted me to keep my weight gain during pregnancy to 25 lbs, she was happy to see that my body was now where I should be at this time 

I'm not going to lie - this made me a little nervous about gaining too much weight and I worried this 11 pound per month trend was going to continue on in my pregnancy. But it really didn't. The next month I only gained a pound.

Week 19 - really looking pregnant now

After a few days of feeling good in San Diego, I entered a new phase of pregnancy and that was sickness of a different kind. I got a cold. This may not sound so crazy but for someone with limited medicine options and not being at home, this was not fun. I remember laying in bed for hours a couple nights because I really couldn't breathe. And I was so nervous to take any medicine so I suffered through it miserably. Luckily this hit at the end of our trip and we had done most of what we had wanted so I was able to chill in our hotel room and try to relax for a couple days.

But by the time I went back to work, my cold turned into a horrible cough that sounded like a had the black plague - not exactly something you want to have when meeting with people. I kept taking off work and getting extra rest to get better but it didn't seem to fix anything. And the cough lasted more than a month as usual! It probably didn't help that I had to go on two business trips within two weeks during this time.

Week 20 - back at work again

After a month, instead of improving, my cough started getting worse and all of a sudden, the head cold came back along with a lovely urinary tract infection!

I have to say I was pretty defeated by this point. My honeymoon period that every one promised I would find in the second trimester was turning out to be less of a honeymoon. Now that my pregnancy nausea was gone, my appetite went away again too since my body was drowning in mucus!

By the time the second cold came around, I was beaten down. I remember being in tears one day on the couch and telling Matt that I just couldn't do it again. And I really thought in my head, I could not feel any worse. I've never felt so helpless - and this was after months of nausea!  Even my doctor, the nurses and my OB looked at me with pity and genuinely felt sorry for me.

I went to Urgent Care for the UTI and the cold and found that indeed I was just unlucky to get a second cold. I called my OB who told me the same thing and no one really had an explanation or a solution for me on how to get better except to let it run its course. I couldn't bear the thought of going through the cold again and spending another month coughing up my lungs. Having only a couple more months of work left before maternity leave and much to do was also making me anxious. 

So back to bed I went - frustrated and angry. Matt was my rock during this time doing anything he could to take care of me and make my life easier. He was constantly reminding me to find joy in the journey and helped me to stop feeling sorry for myself.

My doctor suggested that perhaps I should cut back on spending my Sundays around a lot of children as this may be why I got the second cold since young kids get sick every 6-8 weeks. It seemed silly to me since I was only around the kids for two hours a week but I did think about it. Matt agreed with the doctor and encouraged me to ask to be released but I brushed it off since I enjoyed teaching the kids and didn't want to leave my partner hanging.

Finally I emailed my allergist around week 24 and asked him if he thought there was anything else I could do to get better. He had me come in to see him and he suggested something so simple... but something that changed my life :) - taking an allergy pill every day. Yep, I already had a bottle of them at home and so I did this every morning and within a couple days, my cough started improving and cold went away. Love that man! He thought since I couldn't take my anti-fungal pills during pregnancy that perhaps my body was overreacting and he was right!

I mentioned the advice from my doctor about staying away from the little kids at church and he said he doesn't like to tell people what to do in those kind of arenas but he did say it made sense if I could avoid it easily. So I debated and prayed feeling guilty about abandoning the children and my partner for what felt like such selfish reasons. And finally I called my sister who helped me see that if I could take this one stressor away from my life through pregnancy, it would be worth it since I already had work and my health to deal with. So I finally asked to be released and am without a calling now for the first time in a very long time. It feels awkward and I miss Primary after having been there for the last four years without a break, but I must say my health has never been better during pregnancy.

During our time in San Diego, I entered week 19 of pregnancy which meant I was able to do our second ultrasound and find out the sex of the baby. Since we didn't want to wait another two weeks until we got home, I found a place near Matt's parents house that we could get this done at. And as you already know by now, we discovered that despite my own feelings of it being a boy, we are having a little girl.

Week 19 - our second ultrasound

Week 19 - The big announcement that we are having a girl!

I'm so glad we found out when we did because I know Matt was nervous about having a girl and he wanted a boy, but we got to spend time with two of his nieces while in San Diego and he had such a blast with them. I really think Heavenly Father gave us that time to help Matt appreciate little girls and give him the confidence that he will be a great father for boy or girls. 

I didn't care if we had a boy or girl but once we found out we were having a girl, I got so excited thinking about all of the fun we were going to have together with a little mini-Keri.

Christmas date with Matt's niece Calay - Perfect timing for Matt to practice being around little girls 

Christmas date with another niece, Carys

Around week 19, while sitting in Matt's parents house, I felt the baby move for the first time. And the weird thing is that it was not just a little flutter. It was enough that Matt could feel too when he put his hand on my stomach. It was the most alien and at first, creepy feeling for me because it really reminded me that this was all real. For me, the feeling was kind of like how your stomach feels when you have gas :) but it moved and obviously, there was no gas. It was so weird! I just sat on the couch for the next hour in awe - and maybe a little shock - at what I was feeling.

Once I got over the initial shock, I have come to really enjoy feeling the movement of the baby. It is such a special experience that she and I get to share and I love the constant reassurance that she is still in there and healthy.

Another new thing I experienced at the end of the second trimester was leg cramps while sleeping. After spending an exhausting day in high heels at a Go Red for Women fashion show at a local mall, I woke up that night at least five times with the worst leg cramps - or charlie horses- I have ever had. At the time, I didn't know this was a normal thing to experience in pregnancy. The only thing I could do to make them go away was to get out of bed and stretch my legs while yelling in pain.

The next morning, I struggled out of bed due to my legs feeling like noodles. I felt like that guy in Weekend from Bernies :) having no control of my leg muscles. It took me a couple hours before my legs started to feel normal again. Since then I haven't had as many leg cramps in my sleep, but I do get them especially on days where I exercise more or don't drink enough water.

By the time I started feeling like myself again, I was just coming out of my second trimester. So overall - as with the first trimester - I had more lows than highs it felt like. I really don't like to complain - and I would love to be one of those women who love being pregnant - but for someone who has been pretty lucky with good health, my body has taken a big hit with so much change. I am so grateful to be pregnant and to experience sharing my body with a little one. There is nothing like realizing that my body has truly not been my own - and learning humility.

I'm curious to see what the last trimester has to offer... both the good and the bad :) 

Tales from the First Trimester

So I'm going to try to document each trimester of this pregnancy so as to remember it later. It's amazing how far away it feels now :)

The first few weeks of being pregnant were what I would relate to frolicking through a beautiful meadow on a warm, sunny day. I was happy and I wanted to tell everyone, but I knew realistically I needed to reel it in and wait. Seriously I had this energy and elation that I think came from shedding the worry of trying to conceive.

Now I knew I was at a risk of having a miscarriage but I truly felt that it was okay, if that is what was supposed to happen. And I still had the joy of knowing that at least I had been able to get pregnant. So I usually was able to put those worries aside. Now the further in I got, the more this worry would arise because I could not imagine going through all of the nausea again or for naught. But I know that happens often to many women so I can't imagine what that's like.

But alas, those first few weeks were fabulous. I remember my doctor asking if I had any nausea and when I said none at all, she warned this would probably come soon. But I didn't see how since I was feeling so elated.

Picture of me just days before I found out I was pregnant (with my mom, friends Emily, Christine and Melanie at the theatre after seeing "Wicked")

Then one Saturday, just two weeks after I found out I was pregnant, I was working at a community festival from 8am to 5pm. And mid-morning, the nausea hit. I thought maybe I was just tired but I couldn't do anything about it because I needed to work - and not just sit at a table - but repeatedly teach Hands-Only CPR to children and their parents. No joke - this festival was so busy - and the people so anxious to learn, we never had a slow moment. I was also ravenously hungry but every time I thought about what to eat, I felt like I was going to vomit. And because I kept drinking water to make myself feel better, I had to pee every hour at least!

I was the only staff member there so I couldn't go home. And I had only 2 volunteers to help - one my good friend, Christine, who I had to quickly train on the Hands-Only CPR so she could help me. She was such a trooper to stay the whole afternoon because I was a mess! I wanted to just lean on the table and sleep but couldn't since the people just kept coming. And I had to keep excusing myself to truck to the bathroom - 10 minutes away from our tent - leaving her all alone to fend for herself.

I wanted to tell her, but Matt and I decided not to share yet so I tried to hide it, but it was not easy. I finally took a break around 2pm to grab something to eat and I walked across the street to Whole Foods and spent 10 minutes staring at the to-go area trying to decide what was going to stay in my stomach. I ended up eating a few bites of mashed potatoes and mac and cheese but was surprised that I could not stomach more.

I thought for sure this would all go away once I ate! Even after we finished and packed up and I headed home, I thought I would feel better. But I didn't. I had plans to go out to dinner that night with some girlfriends from church and they ordered an assorted cheese platter to share. I silently struggled to remember what cheeses I was supposed to eat and which ones to avoid so I mostly just ate the crackers and fruit.

Well that night I got home and went straight to bed, only to find myself waking the next morning to that nagging, nauseous feeling that would be new companion for the next couple months. Of course, I didn't know then how long it would last, and I still hoped it would go away quickly. But it soon became the new, unfortunate "normal".

Since mornings were always hard, I would keep a few crackers by my bedside (like everyone suggested) and cram them in as quickly as I could before I started gagging. Brushing my teeth was always a fearful adventure because I would often brush for a little too long than my stomach would allow - but nowhere near the suggested 2-3 minutes. Inevitably I would set off my gagging reflex which my body would then take hold of and I'd spend several minutes over the toilet dry-heaving while my body figured out how to calm itself down. Good morning sunshine!

I would then rush downstairs and eat a bowl of sugary cereal - about the only thing I ever wanted - to try to appease the beast within (note: not my fetus but the nausea - I had to make this distinction because Matt did not like when I would blame the little fetus for making me sick).

Each week, I craved a different cereal from my childhood which I would eat 1-2 times a day and then never touch again the week after. Crispix, Golden Puffs, Lucky Charms, Captain Crunch Berries, Corn Pops, etc... Each week, Matt would find the empty cereal box and would say "Dang, you went through the whole box and I never even had a bowl of it", even though he didn't even eat breakfast most days and when he did he ate it at work. But every week, we went through the same routine. I think each box I ordered just reminded him that he liked that cereal and then he forget to eat it before his pregnant wife devoured it whole. :)

The first week, the nausea hit, I got all over pinterest searching for solutions. I bought all kinds of stuff that people suggested with the hopes that it would help. Since plain water didn't sit well, I knew I needed to find an alternative. And even though I'm opposed to drinking lots of sugar-sweetened beverages, I drank ginger ale religiously for a week feeling like a traitor at work and trying to hide it in a large cup. See it's hard when you go out to companies talking about the horrible effects these drinks have on our bodies when I'm pounding them like a frat boy on the weekends.

I hate ginger and everyone raved about it, so I felt like ginger ale was going to be my happy place with ginger. And it did ease some of the nausea - but then I found out that the good ginger ale I had been drinking - you know Schweppes and Canada Dry - don't actually have ginger in it!!!! So there that idea went.

Me at 11 weeks  pregnant - amid the turmoil of nausea

Then I tried peppermint tea and some other herbal teas, but those weren't doing the job. I bought a bunch of stuff - coconut water, strawberries, mint, fruit, etc... to freeze and make flavored ice cubes to suck on during the day, but each time I tried to go into the kitchen to prepare them, my body just wanted to run away. Honestly, there was something about being in the kitchen for me during my first trimester that did not agree. So out went all those ingredients I bought.

When I mentioned this to my OB, she suggested I drink water with a little fruit in it, which I found to be MUCH better. Remembering that when i go visit Matt, they always had this Hint water that was fruit water without any added sugars, I went online and ordered a grip of those in various flavors. I still have about 10 left in my fridge and now I can't get myself to drink them anymore. Even when I could, I was only able to sip a little at a time.

I started then to just order food that sounded good to me at the moment which usually worked. But several times, I would go pick something up only to have 1 bite and throw it away.

Every day was a battle of wills between me and my stomach. The mornings got better as I got into a routine there. No longer could I eat my greek yogurt and homemade granola. But that was replaced with sugared cereals and a big glass of orange juice I would sip slowly as I got ready for the day. Then around mid-morning I'd have a granola bar or a piece of fruit. Fruit was about the only thing I ever wanted, especially clementines and oranges. Lunch was rough but I'd usually get a bowl of tomato basil soup from a hotel across the way and as long as I ate by noon and took my prenatal right away, I would do pretty well until the evening.

If I forgot to take my prenatal and tried to sneak it in with my afternoon snack, my body would revolt and I'd find myself vomiting in my work bathroom or my office trash can. This also happened if I waited too long to eat. I sat at lunch one day with a co-worker around 2pm because I had been in meetings all day, and I was just praying not to vomit. I ate my sandwich across from her, but in-between bites, I had to put my head down on the table to rest to try to fight off the nausea. I ended up telling her about my pregnancy because she couldn't get over how weird I was acting. She was thrilled and promised not to share - and she didn't.

Being just a couple weeks away from our big Heart Walk, and working long hours to prepare, I also gave in and told a co-worker on my team who was working late with me. I knew I was acting funny and wanted to prepare her. She also promised not to share and if I hadn't told her, she would have figured it out anyway. The week of the walk was a nightmare for me. Working until 11 pm each night was not sitting well with my body and one night I repeatedly threw up in my trash can for all in the office to hear. Each time I tried to run to the bathroom, the nausea would subside, and the minute I got back into my office, I would vomit. Embarrassingly, I tried to wrap up the trash bag, only to have it break. So I ended up moving the trash can out to the hallway so it wouldn't smell up the office. When the cleaning lady arrived, I apologized over and over. She was so kind and just kept saying it was okay and congratulate me on being pregnant. After about 3 times of vomiting, my co-workers made me go home. Knowing there was still so much more work to do before the walk, but knowing I physically couldn't do anymore, was a low point in my first trimester.

The only thing I can say that got me through that week of hell was Jamba Juice and granola bars. Each morning, I stopped at Jamba Juice and got the biggest size smoothie I could and I spent the rest of the day sipping on it along with nibbling on granola bars. Heart Walk setup day involves a lot of moving pieces and people around me 24/7 so I knew I had to do everything I could to get through it. I just knew if I could get through the Heart Walk, I could get through anything.

In hindsight, my boss asked me why I didn't just tell her so that she could have helped. But with 2 girls out of the 12 in our office already out on maternity leave, I was worried about her being upset or nervous. Plus I had promised Matt I wouldn't tell yet. And I think I just wanted to prove to her that I was able to get through this while being pregnant so I when I did tell her after, the worst was over. Yeah it all seems a little silly now.

Luckily, the day of the walk went pretty smoothly thanks to Jamba and granolas and even though I fell apart for the next few weeks after from the exhaustion, my co-workers and boss were forgiving of it assuming I was just exhausted from the walk. Several of them were often reminding me excitedly that this was the first year out of my eight walks, that I hadn't gotten sick before or during the walk. This was technically true as I didn't get the flu, a cold, strep or tonsillitis as before, but this "hidden" sickness that they didn't know about what was much worse. But I just had to smile and cheer with them while my stomach silently cried. :)

One late afternoon I tried to sneak my prenatal in with a can of peaches - 1 time out of 5 it worked for all you wondering why I tried - but this time I was not so lucky. Within a half hour, I vomited in the bathroom then I headed home and nibbled on a bland rice cake to fill my stomach back up. But apparently that was too soon, and while driving home and on the phone via bluetooth with my mom, I felt the vomit coming again. But I had just pulled off my freeway exit, the light had just turned green, there was cop car right behind me, I was driving my manual, and I couldn't get my Bluetooth to turn off so I had only to turn to my bag of rice cakes to vomit into, while my mother listened horrified. Finally, I got the phone hung up and was stopped at a red light - so I was able to open the door and relieve my stomach. Definitely another low point of my first trimester.

Many of you are probably wondering why I didn't just take the prenatal at night, but I tried that and then I would just be vomiting during the night. Mornings were already rough to handle. And since my OB said, the most important thing for me to do, was to keep down my prenatal, I made it my mission to try to take it daily... no matter what. I guess I could have tried a different prenatal, but I had researched many different kinds and found this one on Amazon that had everything I wanted and more. And it was natural - no added sugars, food dyes, or other crappy stuff.

Me during Halloween trying to hide the newly forming baby bump - and suffering through the office potluck with all of those various pungent smells (Week 10) 

Evenings were always the worst for me. I think because I had to work so hard during the day to eat regularly, and keep up my energy so I didn't look like I was slacking at work, I just got exhausted around 5pm and just wanted to "throw in the towel" with my stomach. Every night I came home and laid on the couch, nibbled a clementine while Matt asked "what would you like to eat?". Sometimes I would cry, mostly I just whined that I had no idea and didn't want anything. We both knew I needed to eat and he wouldn't let me not eat, so every night he said "I'll go get you whatever you'd like, just tell me what sounds good." More tears would ensue until finally I would get up and eat a bowl of cereal, an orange, or pick at something he had brought home from work. As I write this now, I'm chuckling at the drama, but at the time, it was not funny.

I was so exhausted those days - seriously, I felt like my bones were aching! Sometimes I got so tired during the day that I would close my office door and take a nap at my desk. Or I would go out to my car, drive up to the top level of the parking garage so no one saw me, and I'd take a nap.

Finally, I learned to get into bed around 8 or 9pm and sleep for at least 10 hours to get enough energy to make it through the next day.

The last couple weeks of the first trimester, I lived off of multiple oranges a day, Taco Bell tostadas, and bagels with cream cheese. Many people said the nausea would probably starting going away around week 12. But then I learned that it was more common to leave around week 18, though many women I learned had it carry on into weeks 21-22.

After the first month, I lost a pound. The second month, I gained two which meant I was only up one. The nausea went away right after the third month around week 18 - and conveniently right before Christmas.  I finally got my appetite back while on vacation in San Diego and allowed myself to eat whatever I wanted - now that I could. But in early January, I went to the doctor to find that I had gained 11 pounds! Oops :)

It was around week 14 when we had our first ultrasound. Matt joined me and we were both mesmerized with the sight of the baby. All looked good and healthy and the doctor sat us down after and went through the numbers showing exactly what that meant. Afterwards during lunch, we finally decided it was time to start telling people, which was a fun part. My boss was even thrilled for me. When I told her I needed to tell her something, she look scared and said "Oh my gosh, are you quitting?"  I laughed and said "No, I'm not quitting". Then immediately she smiled and said, "Okay then you're pregnant!"

Week 12 - An ultrasound picture of our little one - so tiny in there!

Work is much easier now with people knowing and not having to try to hide my discomfort. And since I have so many mommies at work, I can ask them all of my weird questions.

Photo of us we shared on Facebook to let many people know we are pregnant - Matt's beard was thick in the middle of Movember

 I'm so grateful that we got through the first trimester. So many times I thought I was never going to make it. Having been quite blessed with good health in my life, this was a struggle for me. I remember thinking that each week would never end and that there was no way I could ever do this again. But now that I'm well into my second trimester, as I write this, it is hard for me to remember the bad stuff. I really had to dig deep. Amazing what your body does to help you forget. :) And I'm so grateful for a patient and loving husband. Can't wait for this little bundle of joy to come!

Happy 2015 from KerMatt+1

Baby on the Way

On September 15, 2014, I realized my period was late and I took a pregnancy test before going to work... and then three more throughout the day... each one turning up positive!

After a year of trying to conceive and undergoing infertility testing, I was shocked! Not wanting to get my hopes up if it was a false alarm, I called my mom and my sister who talked me through different signs of pregnancy I had been having. When I told Tori one of my symptoms was cramping, she said "Oh boy, don't google that." Of course I did and discovered it was one sign of a miscarriage. The cramping also made my mom very nervous.

I also called my OB's office and asked if I could come in and have them give me a test. They laughed at me saying the at-home tests were just as good as theirs but I told them I didn't think my husband would believe me unless they confirmed. So I made an appointment for a couple days later.

I wanted to call Matt all day but I really wanted to tell him in person so I waited. I went to work and then headed to the dentist for a scheduled cleaning. Because the dentist wanted to take x-rays of some of my teeth, I had to share my news with the dentist - and we laughed over the fact that the dentist knew before Matt did.

I was feeling good and so happy, I then went on a 7-mile run before I headed home to finally share the news with Matt. He was as surprised as I was and we spent the night trying to figure out how we got so lucky at not having to go to an infertility specialist, as we had been planning.

So here is where I want to share our journey that previous year. After trying to conceive for eight months and being off birth control for two years, and doing every kind of at-home ovulation charting and testing, I made a spreadsheet for my OB to convince her to start us early on infertility testing instead of making us wait the usual full year. After laughing at me, but then reviewing my extensive chart, she agreed that we didn't need to wait any longer.

And so began the whirlwind of infertility testing for the next two months - with the grand finale of a horrible test called the HSG. If you aren't familiar with this test, they shoot contrast fluid in your fallopian tubes to see if there is a blockage. A normal, routine test as they say... but I clearly don't handle pain well and I passed out before the test even began - only to awake to panicked nurses and find myself dry-heaving from the antibiotics I had to take in preparation. The nurses said I really gave them a good scare and they made me wear an oxygen mask and a blood pressure cuff through the rest of the procedure. Then they called Matt and made him come pick me up - handing him a note that they recommended I take any time I get any future procedures done to inform the doctors and nurses I am prone to fainting episodes. Ummm talk about traumatizing! I couldn't get over the fact that if this was so dramatic, how was I going to be able to have a child!

My co-worker made me watch this afterwards because that's what she felt like after fainting during this procedure. And I found it to be quite fitting.

When I showed that note to my OB, she laughed yet again and said I must have really given them a scare. She was shocked I passed out and said I was the first patient she had ever heard to do so! But I know I'm not that crazy, because my coworker had done so during the same test as well.

Nonetheless, no blockage was found and there were no real reason found for us not getting pregnant. They only thing they did see is that my body was working a little too hard to push out eggs so it might be harder to get pregnant and possible I could miscarry more easily. But it wasn't a reason for not getting pregnant.

So the OB recommended we see an infertility specialist and take Clomed with an IUI infertility procedure. Since I was so traumatized from the HSG test, Matt and I decided to take a break from actively trying to conceive and wait a few months to see an infertility specialist until after my big Heart Walk event. I even filled the Clomed prescription but never took it.

So imagine our surprise, when the very next month, we discovered that we were indeed pregnant! Once again my OB came in laughing at me as shocked as we were. "Weren't you just in my office last month for infertility?!" she said. "It must have been the HSG test. Even though you didn't have a blockage, sometimes the test opens things up for women."

We have no idea whether it was the pressure of not trying so hard to get pregnant or that HSG test but for some reason, we got pregnant. The best part was, just a couple days before realizing this, I came home from work and found a couple baby car seats and a baby carrier in our garage. First I called my mom to see if she had brought it when she came down that week. But when she said no, I called Matt and asked him if he knew anything about them. "Yeah, I picked them up from the Tams (a family in our church)," Matt said. "They were moving and sent out an email to the ward asking if anyone wants them. So I went and picked them up the other day."

Imagine my surprise to find out Matt had even thought to do so. So random after a year of trying to having a baby. I wanted him to give them to someone else who might actually use them before we probably ever would. And then lo and behold, a couple days later, we discover that we are pregnant. My husband either has impeccable timing or wonderful father's intuition.

So here we are preparing for our mini-Keri to come and feeling blessed... and nervous :)

Rugged Maniac McGhee