The first few weeks of being pregnant were what I would relate to frolicking through a beautiful meadow on a warm, sunny day. I was happy and I wanted to tell everyone, but I knew realistically I needed to reel it in and wait. Seriously I had this energy and elation that I think came from shedding the worry of trying to conceive.
Now I knew I was at a risk of having a miscarriage but I truly felt that it was okay, if that is what was supposed to happen. And I still had the joy of knowing that at least I had been able to get pregnant. So I usually was able to put those worries aside. Now the further in I got, the more this worry would arise because I could not imagine going through all of the nausea again or for naught. But I know that happens often to many women so I can't imagine what that's like.
But alas, those first few weeks were fabulous. I remember my doctor asking if I had any nausea and when I said none at all, she warned this would probably come soon. But I didn't see how since I was feeling so elated.
 |
| Picture of me just days before I found out I was pregnant (with my mom, friends Emily, Christine and Melanie at the theatre after seeing "Wicked") |
I was the only staff member there so I couldn't go home. And I had only 2 volunteers to help - one my good friend, Christine, who I had to quickly train on the Hands-Only CPR so she could help me. She was such a trooper to stay the whole afternoon because I was a mess! I wanted to just lean on the table and sleep but couldn't since the people just kept coming. And I had to keep excusing myself to truck to the bathroom - 10 minutes away from our tent - leaving her all alone to fend for herself.
I wanted to tell her, but Matt and I decided not to share yet so I tried to hide it, but it was not easy. I finally took a break around 2pm to grab something to eat and I walked across the street to Whole Foods and spent 10 minutes staring at the to-go area trying to decide what was going to stay in my stomach. I ended up eating a few bites of mashed potatoes and mac and cheese but was surprised that I could not stomach more.
I thought for sure this would all go away once I ate! Even after we finished and packed up and I headed home, I thought I would feel better. But I didn't. I had plans to go out to dinner that night with some girlfriends from church and they ordered an assorted cheese platter to share. I silently struggled to remember what cheeses I was supposed to eat and which ones to avoid so I mostly just ate the crackers and fruit.
Well that night I got home and went straight to bed, only to find myself waking the next morning to that nagging, nauseous feeling that would be new companion for the next couple months. Of course, I didn't know then how long it would last, and I still hoped it would go away quickly. But it soon became the new, unfortunate "normal".
Since mornings were always hard, I would keep a few crackers by my bedside (like everyone suggested) and cram them in as quickly as I could before I started gagging. Brushing my teeth was always a fearful adventure because I would often brush for a little too long than my stomach would allow - but nowhere near the suggested 2-3 minutes. Inevitably I would set off my gagging reflex which my body would then take hold of and I'd spend several minutes over the toilet dry-heaving while my body figured out how to calm itself down. Good morning sunshine!
I would then rush downstairs and eat a bowl of sugary cereal - about the only thing I ever wanted - to try to appease the beast within (note: not my fetus but the nausea - I had to make this distinction because Matt did not like when I would blame the little fetus for making me sick).
Each week, I craved a different cereal from my childhood which I would eat 1-2 times a day and then never touch again the week after. Crispix, Golden Puffs, Lucky Charms, Captain Crunch Berries, Corn Pops, etc... Each week, Matt would find the empty cereal box and would say "Dang, you went through the whole box and I never even had a bowl of it", even though he didn't even eat breakfast most days and when he did he ate it at work. But every week, we went through the same routine. I think each box I ordered just reminded him that he liked that cereal and then he forget to eat it before his pregnant wife devoured it whole. :)
The first week, the nausea hit, I got all over pinterest searching for solutions. I bought all kinds of stuff that people suggested with the hopes that it would help. Since plain water didn't sit well, I knew I needed to find an alternative. And even though I'm opposed to drinking lots of sugar-sweetened beverages, I drank ginger ale religiously for a week feeling like a traitor at work and trying to hide it in a large cup. See it's hard when you go out to companies talking about the horrible effects these drinks have on our bodies when I'm pounding them like a frat boy on the weekends.
I hate ginger and everyone raved about it, so I felt like ginger ale was going to be my happy place with ginger. And it did ease some of the nausea - but then I found out that the good ginger ale I had been drinking - you know Schweppes and Canada Dry - don't actually have ginger in it!!!! So there that idea went.
 |
| Me at 11 weeks pregnant - amid the turmoil of nausea |
Then I tried peppermint tea and some other herbal teas, but those weren't doing the job. I bought a bunch of stuff - coconut water, strawberries, mint, fruit, etc... to freeze and make flavored ice cubes to suck on during the day, but each time I tried to go into the kitchen to prepare them, my body just wanted to run away. Honestly, there was something about being in the kitchen for me during my first trimester that did not agree. So out went all those ingredients I bought.
When I mentioned this to my OB, she suggested I drink water with a little fruit in it, which I found to be MUCH better. Remembering that when i go visit Matt, they always had this Hint water that was fruit water without any added sugars, I went online and ordered a grip of those in various flavors. I still have about 10 left in my fridge and now I can't get myself to drink them anymore. Even when I could, I was only able to sip a little at a time.
I started then to just order food that sounded good to me at the moment which usually worked. But several times, I would go pick something up only to have 1 bite and throw it away.
Every day was a battle of wills between me and my stomach. The mornings got better as I got into a routine there. No longer could I eat my greek yogurt and homemade granola. But that was replaced with sugared cereals and a big glass of orange juice I would sip slowly as I got ready for the day. Then around mid-morning I'd have a granola bar or a piece of fruit. Fruit was about the only thing I ever wanted, especially clementines and oranges. Lunch was rough but I'd usually get a bowl of tomato basil soup from a hotel across the way and as long as I ate by noon and took my prenatal right away, I would do pretty well until the evening.
If I forgot to take my prenatal and tried to sneak it in with my afternoon snack, my body would revolt and I'd find myself vomiting in my work bathroom or my office trash can. This also happened if I waited too long to eat. I sat at lunch one day with a co-worker around 2pm because I had been in meetings all day, and I was just praying not to vomit. I ate my sandwich across from her, but in-between bites, I had to put my head down on the table to rest to try to fight off the nausea. I ended up telling her about my pregnancy because she couldn't get over how weird I was acting. She was thrilled and promised not to share - and she didn't.
Being just a couple weeks away from our big Heart Walk, and working long hours to prepare, I also gave in and told a co-worker on my team who was working late with me. I knew I was acting funny and wanted to prepare her. She also promised not to share and if I hadn't told her, she would have figured it out anyway. The week of the walk was a nightmare for me. Working until 11 pm each night was not sitting well with my body and one night I repeatedly threw up in my trash can for all in the office to hear. Each time I tried to run to the bathroom, the nausea would subside, and the minute I got back into my office, I would vomit. Embarrassingly, I tried to wrap up the trash bag, only to have it break. So I ended up moving the trash can out to the hallway so it wouldn't smell up the office. When the cleaning lady arrived, I apologized over and over. She was so kind and just kept saying it was okay and congratulate me on being pregnant. After about 3 times of vomiting, my co-workers made me go home. Knowing there was still so much more work to do before the walk, but knowing I physically couldn't do anymore, was a low point in my first trimester.
The only thing I can say that got me through that week of hell was Jamba Juice and granola bars. Each morning, I stopped at Jamba Juice and got the biggest size smoothie I could and I spent the rest of the day sipping on it along with nibbling on granola bars. Heart Walk setup day involves a lot of moving pieces and people around me 24/7 so I knew I had to do everything I could to get through it. I just knew if I could get through the Heart Walk, I could get through anything.
In hindsight, my boss asked me why I didn't just tell her so that she could have helped. But with 2 girls out of the 12 in our office already out on maternity leave, I was worried about her being upset or nervous. Plus I had promised Matt I wouldn't tell yet. And I think I just wanted to prove to her that I was able to get through this while being pregnant so I when I did tell her after, the worst was over. Yeah it all seems a little silly now.
Luckily, the day of the walk went pretty smoothly thanks to Jamba and granolas and even though I fell apart for the next few weeks after from the exhaustion, my co-workers and boss were forgiving of it assuming I was just exhausted from the walk. Several of them were often reminding me excitedly that this was the first year out of my eight walks, that I hadn't gotten sick before or during the walk. This was technically true as I didn't get the flu, a cold, strep or tonsillitis as before, but this "hidden" sickness that they didn't know about what was much worse. But I just had to smile and cheer with them while my stomach silently cried. :)
One late afternoon I tried to sneak my prenatal in with a can of peaches - 1 time out of 5 it worked for all you wondering why I tried - but this time I was not so lucky. Within a half hour, I vomited in the bathroom then I headed home and nibbled on a bland rice cake to fill my stomach back up. But apparently that was too soon, and while driving home and on the phone via bluetooth with my mom, I felt the vomit coming again. But I had just pulled off my freeway exit, the light had just turned green, there was cop car right behind me, I was driving my manual, and I couldn't get my Bluetooth to turn off so I had only to turn to my bag of rice cakes to vomit into, while my mother listened horrified. Finally, I got the phone hung up and was stopped at a red light - so I was able to open the door and relieve my stomach. Definitely another low point of my first trimester.
Many of you are probably wondering why I didn't just take the prenatal at night, but I tried that and then I would just be vomiting during the night. Mornings were already rough to handle. And since my OB said, the most important thing for me to do, was to keep down my prenatal, I made it my mission to try to take it daily... no matter what. I guess I could have tried a different prenatal, but I had researched many different kinds and found this one on Amazon that had everything I wanted and more. And it was natural - no added sugars, food dyes, or other crappy stuff.
 |
| Me during Halloween trying to hide the newly forming baby bump - and suffering through the office potluck with all of those various pungent smells (Week 10) |
Evenings were always the worst for me. I think because I had to work so hard during the day to eat regularly, and keep up my energy so I didn't look like I was slacking at work, I just got exhausted around 5pm and just wanted to "throw in the towel" with my stomach. Every night I came home and laid on the couch, nibbled a clementine while Matt asked "what would you like to eat?". Sometimes I would cry, mostly I just whined that I had no idea and didn't want anything. We both knew I needed to eat and he wouldn't let me not eat, so every night he said "I'll go get you whatever you'd like, just tell me what sounds good." More tears would ensue until finally I would get up and eat a bowl of cereal, an orange, or pick at something he had brought home from work. As I write this now, I'm chuckling at the drama, but at the time, it was not funny.
I was so exhausted those days - seriously, I felt like my bones were aching! Sometimes I got so tired during the day that I would close my office door and take a nap at my desk. Or I would go out to my car, drive up to the top level of the parking garage so no one saw me, and I'd take a nap.
Finally, I learned to get into bed around 8 or 9pm and sleep for at least 10 hours to get enough energy to make it through the next day.
The last couple weeks of the first trimester, I lived off of multiple oranges a day, Taco Bell tostadas, and bagels with cream cheese. Many people said the nausea would probably starting going away around week 12. But then I learned that it was more common to leave around week 18, though many women I learned had it carry on into weeks 21-22.
After the first month, I lost a pound. The second month, I gained two which meant I was only up one. The nausea went away right after the third month around week 18 - and conveniently right before Christmas. I finally got my appetite back while on vacation in San Diego and allowed myself to eat whatever I wanted - now that I could. But in early January, I went to the doctor to find that I had gained 11 pounds! Oops :)
It was around week 14 when we had our first ultrasound. Matt joined me and we were both mesmerized with the sight of the baby. All looked good and healthy and the doctor sat us down after and went through the numbers showing exactly what that meant. Afterwards during lunch, we finally decided it was time to start telling people, which was a fun part. My boss was even thrilled for me. When I told her I needed to tell her something, she look scared and said "Oh my gosh, are you quitting?" I laughed and said "No, I'm not quitting". Then immediately she smiled and said, "Okay then you're pregnant!"
 |
| Week 12 - An ultrasound picture of our little one - so tiny in there! |
Work is much easier now with people knowing and not having to try to hide my discomfort. And since I have so many mommies at work, I can ask them all of my weird questions.
 |
| Photo of us we shared on Facebook to let many people know we are pregnant - Matt's beard was thick in the middle of Movember |
