Matt and I met in April 2007 in San Diego. Matt’s parents had moved to Poway, which is just northeast of San Diego, while Matt was serving his mission in St. Louis, Missouri. Upon returning home, he spent most of his summers in Poway and then headed back to BYU for school in the fall and winter.
So the night I met Matt, my roommate, Dawn, and I decided to attend a regional Young Single Adult activity in East San Diego. The activity was broom hockey and neither of us had ever played this so naturally we brought our own brooms from home. Once we walked in and discovered that there are actually specific sticks for broom hockey, we quickly ran back out to Dawn’s car laughing trying to hide the evidence of our silliness.
I noticed a group of about five boys with pillows duck-taped to their butts and we laughed at them mercilessly - Matt being one of them. I guess in anticipation of getting bruised (and probably for the attention). Matt and his buddies decided to do this.
As I do with most sports, and because Dawn always brought the competitor out in me, I played fiercely and put my whole heart into trying to get goals. I discovered that I especially liked broom hockey and after hearing that Dawn has overheard some girls talking trash about me playing ferociously, I amped up my A-game even more. At one point, a group formed in the middle of the game battling for the hockey puck and I decided to really give said girls a show by running and jumping on top of the pile. This is when Matt will say he noticed me for the first time when he saw me dressed in my pink shirt and pink hoodie run and jump on top of a bunch of people.
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| You can see me in the pink hoodie in the back |
Matt approached Dawn and I after the game about a “Sports and Fun” website he was trying to create for the region. Matt was the ultimate event planner and wanted to make sure that every LDS young single adults' lives were better by knowing about all activities going on throughout San Diego county. We gave him our email addresses to add to his distribution list and joked about how he was probably just doing this to meet more chicks.
At this time, I was the co-chair for the Activities Committee for La Jolla ward but had recently been asked to head up a new regional activities committees made up of co-chairs from all 12 San Diego young single adult wards.
That next Sunday, we had our first planning meeting and Matt attended as a representative for his Black Mountain branch. He stopped me in the hall before the meeting to ask for help making copies of his Sports and Fun sign-up sheets all the while flirting with me. He will say that I flirted with him but I felt it was Matt who was really hitting on me.
Knowing how long this first meeting was going to go, we planned a potluck to include dinner for everyone. After the meeting started, I got in line for food and happened to be right in front of Matt and his friend While talking I noticed how cute he actually was, especially in his stunning suit. Not a lot of guys wore full on suits but Matt always did - and still does. He also kept smiling at me and amazingly he had remembered some things I had shared with our committee in my opening remarks. I didn’t think much of it after the meeting though and I ran off afterward to meet up with some friends.
During that week, Matt called to ask me out. He had gotten my phone number from the committee roster and introduced himself as "the man of my dreams". Not knowing who was really on the other end and quickly becoming irritated with his refusal to divulge this detail, I tried to brush him off by telling him I was busy waxing my back. I thought maybe it was some friends messing with me.
I could tell it was not anyone who knew me well because of his surprised reaction. He said "Oh that's really gross" which made me laugh. He made me guess who it was which I did not appreciate and when I got it wrong and said" Is this Frankie", he said "No, but who's Frankie?" in a teasing tone.
He finally told me who he was and after hearing his name, I said “Oh, you’re the Sports and Fun guy.” He invited me out to play volleyball with his friends that night but I was still irritated at his “arrogance” for saying he was the man of my dreams. I told him I was busy and thanked him for calling. He was very polite and ended up calling again a week later.
This time we started off on a better foot and I agreed to go out with him. Since work was quite busy for me, we decided to meet up at a restaurant in the Mira Mesa area which was halfway between Poway and my office in La Jolla. I honestly wanted to have the option to leave early if the date did not go well. I insisted that he choose the restaurant and he got flustered since he hadn’t planned that far ahead and researched restaurants in the area. I thought his little frustration was adorable and even more so when he asked if could call back in a minute after he looked up some options. He called back apologizing for being “off his game” earlier and we agreed on meeting at Applebees.
I wasn’t expecting much of our date since he had already started out so cocky in my book, which I didn't love. Now I have never been good at dating, and usually (though I'm not proud of it) my approach to dating was to find out what was wrong with the boy and then assess my interest. Honestly I usually started out looking for reasons not to get into a relationship so I didn’t have to get hurt. Nonetheless, the fact that Matt had actually asked me out and put some thought into our date, impressed me.
After changing into some fitted jeans, pink high heels and a cute off-white shirt, I left work and headed to Applebees. Matt had mentioned earlier on the phone that he had a church basketball game later that night but I was a little disappointed with his attire of a jersey, black hoodie and baggie pants. I felt like I had made some effort to dress up and he could have done the same. Surprisingly, Matt and I had a wonderful dinner with an ease in our conversation that I found nicely comfortable. He asked me a lot of questions about myself which also flattered me that he was actually trying to get to know me. I was torn throughout the dinner thinking about what a cute, fun boy he was but found his constant movie quoting a bit silly.
At one point Matt asked me why we had never met since we both grew in Northern California and had attended some of the same church dances in Napa and Concord. He also found it amazing that we were also freshman at BYU the same year and said “I can’t believe we never met... I’m kind of a big deal.” I was really turned off by this cocky statement and thought to myself that this boy was a little too immature for my liking. I also did not like hearing that he was planning on returning to BYU in the fall since I had never been in a long-distance relationship and had no interest in doing so. Yes, all these thoughts were going through my head during dinner.
After we left the restaurant, Matt still had an hour before his game so he took me to a park in the area to teach me how to throw a Frisbee. I loved that he had a plan for after dinner and enjoyed his patient coaching of my horrible Frisbee throws. He tried hard to talk me into coming and watching his basketball game, but I declined several times. I had learned early on to leave when the party still good and not have a marathon first date, and I disliked the thought of becoming his little basketball groupie when I hardly knew him.
I went home that night and told my roomies all about my date with this very BYU boy who I found immature but kinda cute at the same time. They laughed at me and him and then helped we realize that Matt’s comment about being a big deal was actually a quote from Anchor Man which he had been quoting all night. Not having watched the movie, I completely missed this.That made feel better realizing that he didn’t really think of himself as a “big deal.” I should mention here that I had a certain prejudice against BYU boys as I found the ones that I been out with to be dissatisfied unless they were dating several girls at the same time which was not my thing. I carried this prejudice unfairly to Matt especially after seeing how confident he generally came across.
He called me later that week thanking me for going out with him and went out to a Padres baseball game the next week with his friends
Matt called the next day and we made plans to see each other again the next Monday night. He met me at my church building after Family Home Evening, and what was left of my stubborn resistance to him, melted away when I saw his interactions with my friends, my bishop and a girl on my activities committee. Heather struggled with her self-esteem and when Matt called her by her name showing that he had remembered it from several Sundays back at our regional committee meeting, I could tell that made her night. I was impressed with how kind he was to her as he engaged her in conversation, I saw her whole personality change. I was proud to be able to spend the evening with such a considerate man.
After FHE, we grabbed dinner and then headed home to take a walk down to the beach. I had so many butterflies that night and I was so excited to be with Matt but I also started to feel scared about falling for him. The next hour became an internal battle for me wanting to send him home and fighting not to kiss him.. He mentioned that night that he did not make a first move on girls out of respect for their timing and so I knew I was going to have the first move. So I did and kissed him and didn't want him to leave.
I spent the next day kicking myself for doing so. I always worried about kissing too soon and ruining the relationship by making it too physical. I also worried about losing the control in the relationship. So many thoughts when dating. This is why I hated dating!
He texted me that day and then when he called the next day and wanted to come visit me, I insisted that I had too much packing and laundry to do for my upcoming trip back to Utah. And that sprung us into a battle of stubbornness. He admitted that he was not coming down to be entertained or to make out but just wanted to see me before I left for a week. He admitted later that since I had kissed him, he felt he deserved to be able to come down and say goodbye before I left. He was determined to do so and I was determined to not let that happen. Oh my goodness, our stubbornness can be so overwhelming at times. Welcome to our marriage :) And poor Mia because we can already see that she has inherited some of it.
So what ended up happening was a silly night of Matt coming down, me not being home and a lot of miscommunication. The next day during my lunch break, I called Matt and we talked it over and cleared things up. And I was again impressed with his willingness to be open and communicate.
The next night, Matt invited me to come up to his house in Poway and hang out with him. I was excited to see him again though still a little wary at all that happened. We had another fun night talking and laughing. At ten o’clock, Matt’s dad came into the room, looked at us and announced that “it was ten o’clock and you know what that means.” Being caught off guard, I looked at Matt to explain what that means and he just sat frozen. “I actually don’t know what that means, can you explain it to me,” I said.
Lane replied “well Matt’s mother and I have asked him not to have friends over after 10 pm.” Matt started again to argue with his dad and hurried out of there horrified. I had never been kicked out of anyone’s house in high school and I couldn’t believe it was happening now. Matt tried to talk me into going with him somewhere else to hang out but I wanted nothing more than to head home. I was embarrassed for me and also for him and I decided this all was just a little too much for me. I made up my mind as I drove home that I was not going to go out with Matt anymore even though that made me sad.
I was a horrible communicator (and have since improved thanks to Matt) and didn’t have the heart to explain it to him so I tried to just ignore him. He proceeded to call me once a week for the next month and very politely left messages inviting me out.
I was again impressed with his polite determination but I was determined myself to move on because the prospect of long-distance and the perceived immaturity seemed too much for me. I didn’t admit it to anyone that I felt sad.
After a month of Matt’s weekly calls, I decided it was time to face him and get rid of him for good. I finally answered and when he invited me to come over and watch So You Think You Can Dance with his friends, I declined. He pushed on inviting my to a different gathering next week which I also turned down and then he asked me when would be best for me. He was so polite and confident that it surprised me. I had clearly ignored him for a month and I could not see why he was not getting the picture. I did not know how to get rid of him and finally I said, “Matt, we are not going to go out next week, or the week after that, or ever.” He asked me why and not wanting to admit I thought he was a child, I lied and said I was seeing someone else. Right now you are probably thinking I was a horrible person - and I was stupid - but I get better. Matt responded that the ball was in my court and he invited me to call him when I was finished seeing this other guy.
I was blown away that he had the nerve to think that I would ever call him and I got off the phone while my roomies laughed mercilessly. They had heard my side of the conversation and were blown away at what I had said and how he had taken it. They admitted that this boy had guts and I was just relieved to be free of Matt finally, or so I thought. I found myself thinking of him occasionally and my heart leapt when I saw a boy at my ward activity that week whom I thought was him.
A couple of weeks later, my roommate Tiffany and a couple other friends headed up to a concert / dance party in North County. I knew there was a slight chance I might run into Matt but I did not share that to my girlfriends. Indeed I saw Matt right away when we walked into the party. I pointed him out to the girls and tried my best to ignore him, but Matt walked right up to me and asked how I was doing. I introduced Matt to the girls and again I was blown away by his behavior. He was so kind and happy to see me, even after I had ignored him and blown him off for "another guy". He asked me how it was going with this other guy and I tried to change the subject (feeling horribly guilty for my lie). But Matt wouldn't let me and asked if it was someone he knew and I said no probably not. He then called me out for being awkward and said that it was okay and he just wanted to make sure I was happy. I was touched by his gentle demeanor and when he walked away, the girls admitted that he didn’t seem as immature as I had described him. He came over a few minutes later and asked me to take a picture with him which I found weird but I agreed to do so knowing there was nothing normal about Matt thusfar. Later he admitted it was his way of determining if I was indeed lying to him about another guy, especially since I had showed up at the party with just my girlfriends and not a boy.
I tried to have fun the rest of the night with my friends but felt racked with guilt. Though I tried to hide it, Tiffany called me out on our drive home. She pointed out that he was so nice and had not really deserved to be lied to. I knew she was right and I tossed and turned all night wrestling with what I was supposed to do. After church the next day, I admitted to my roommates that I missed Matt and I felt the need to tell him the truth of why I had gotten freaked out. Dawn almost spit out her food when I told her since I had talked for over a month about what an immature boy he was and she couldn't believe what I was admitting. She cautioned me to think about it before I did so and I spent the rest of the afternoon praying about what to do. I was confused about if I just wanted to confess or if I wanted to date him again.
But later the next night I determined I needed to call Matt and confess the truth. I had no plan to get back together, I just wanted to clear my conscience and be honest that I had indeed enjoyed spending time with him but had gotten freaked out.
I called him and left him a voice message asking him to call me back. He did just that an hour later and my heart was pounding out of my heart when I recognized that it was him calling. Not knowing how to proceed I tried making small talk with him initially but he finally called me out asking me if I had really called him to chit chat.
I began by telling him how sorry I was for my actions and how he never deserved it. I admitted that I had lied to him and I was not indeed dating anyone else. He paused after my admission and asked me to back up and explain to him why I had felt the need to lie to him. He was so kind and I decided not to hold anything back. I told him all about my fear of losing control in our dating, and my worries about him. He coached me gently through my feelings and forgave me right away. He admitted that he knew I was lying to him and proceeded to tell me his interpretation of how our dates had gone in his eyes. He admitted his mistakes and called me out on my own in such a tender tone. It felt so good to be so completely honest with someone and when he finally asked me what I wanted now, I admitted I didn’t know. He shared that he indeed had recently started dating another girl and needed to know if I wanted to move forward. I admitted that I wanted to see him again so we decided to get together that Wednesday.
I couldn’t believe that I was actually going out with him, and neither could anyone else, but I made a resolution that night to stop basing my feelings or actions on other people’s advice. Though it is helpful at times, I saw how much trouble and dishonesty it had caused me. I decided to be completely honest with Matt and I felt that I owed him that much. I could never had made a better decision.
Matt and I met up at Balboa Park and spent the night talking again. He didn’t kiss me because he was still trying to decide what he wanted to do between me and this other girl he had dated. But by that weekend, we became inseparable and the other girl was pretty much out of the picture.
After going out with Matt again the next week, my roomie, Terrie, informed me that she had a feeling I was going to marry this boy. She said she could tell there was something different about us now. I laughed at her and thought there was no way that was going to happen, but I fell in love with Matt quickly after that. I was determined to stop thinking and enjoy my summer with him and I did but somewhere in there I found myself in love with Matt and in love with being in love for the first time in my life.
We were indeed inseparable for the rest of that summer and became quite the power couple. He made me laugh and wanted me to meet everyone he knew. I loved how hard he tried to work around my work schedule and help me be responsible. But I got sick several times from staying up too late with Matt. Matt even surprised me when I noticed that he was no longer staying out until five am with his friends. He admitted that he was trying to get on a schedule closer to my own to help both of us and I was touched again by his consideration. I slowly saw many of those signs of immaturity slipping away as he grew up so quickly in my eyes.
After a month of this, Matt admitted that he was beginning to falling in love with me. I didn’t know what to say but my heart leapt and I felt like dating should not be this easy.
A couple weeks later, while saying goodbye in his truck, Matt told me that he was in love with me for the first time and assured me that it was okay for me not to feel so yet. I was relieved because this was all so new for me and I did not know what to say.
One day Matt surprised me at work with a rose. He had just had an interview with a company who had turned him down. So he decided to come visit me to help cheer him up. I loved that I could help him feel better by doing nothing but giving him a kiss and talking. I could see in Matt that day that he was full of humility and vulnerability. He was not perfect but instead of me trying to have to guess what his weaknesses were, he laid them out on the table for me to see and decide if I wanted to accept them. He taught me so much about putting your whole self out to others.
I worried endlessly about his leaving to go back to college but Dawn settled it by telling me to forget about my worries and just have fun being in love. She reminded me that I had never really been in love before and we could work all of the future details later. So I did, I threw my whole heart into my relationship with Matt forcing my nagging worries away for once in my life.
Soon after, we went on a camping trip with to Malibu and Santa Barbara with our friends, Dawn, Angela, Kristen, Pete, Jordan and Phil. My idiot guy friends acted completely immature the whole trip, clearly having a hard time not getting all of mine and Dawn’s attention. Matt became the peace maker of the trip and encouraged me to ignore them. The last day there, I got into an argument with Jordan and Pete and we ended up yelling at each other. Matt walked over, grabbed my hand and walked me away. He admitted that they were picking on me pretty hard but he helped me see how arguing was not the best solution in dealing with them.
During this trip, he sealed my love with his never ending patience. One of the days we decided to rent these funny like bikes and spent the day wreaking havoc all over the beach in Santa Barbara. Matt was in his element and wore himself out trying to impress us with his crazy stunts. His apparent joy endeared me to him because of his pure joy in such a simple experience.
As we drove back to our campground that night, Matt fell asleep in the back of the car thanking me endlessly for the wonderful day and insisting on holding my hand though I was in the front seat. He’d fall asleep, then he’d wake up, search for my hand again and thank me again for such a wonderful day. Dawn and I couldn’t stop laughing but he was just too cute for words. I was overwhelmed that night by how much I cared for Matt.
Before going to sleep that night I said “I love you” to Matt for the first time and I have never seen the boy so happy. He giggled endlessly and couldn’t stop smiling. We giggled and laughed for hours together so happy to be in love.
During our summer of love especially with my first Heart Walk approaching quickly, Matt tried so hard to get me home and in bed early. Since he did not have a job with a demanding schedule, he mostly came down to Pacific Beach and we spent time at my house. With my recent promotion to Logistics Director for the Heart Walk (thanks to my event planning introduction from my church callings), I had a lot to prove and a lot of hours to put in to learn the ropes of implementing a successful community event.
No matter how hard we tried though, I usually ended up staying out too late which my body did not react well to. I ended up getting sick several times, once with Step Throat which was immediately followed by Tonsilitis. Apparently I was not given enough antibiotics to kill the initial infection. My friend and co-worker, Dawn H., ended up making me take vitamins and drink Superfood drinks daily to keep me afloat. My Heart Walk team were really so patient with me and my new obsession during this team which I am truly grateful of.
One night during a three day visit to the LA office for intense Heart Walk strategizing , I even fell asleep while typing on a laptop with Sarah and Dawn. I think they were a little irritated to find me asleep and made me wake up to finish our “homework” but they laughed about it too.
That summer of 2007 was one of the most wonderful summers of my life because of the relative careless freedom and happiness I felt. Sure I worked hard but I also loved that Matt wanted to spent every hour with me when I wasn’t working.
In August, Matt prepared to return to BYU. During his trip up to Provo to look for a place to live, I fell apart with fear for the first time since our early debacles. I had never been in a long-distance relationship, had never hear anything good about them and I just knew that Matt would want to play around and date other girls once he got back up to Utah and away from me. All of these thoughts that I had been pushing away all summer hit me all at once.
I was torn because I loved Matt and had hoped that he could stay. But I also knew that going back and finishing his degree was the best thing for Matt at the time. I knew that it would only set him back to switch schools and I was not going to be selfish and ask him to stay just because I had a great job and a great life in San Diego. But I was also not willing to give that up and go back to Utah. I left Utah unhappy and uncontent telling myself I would never have to live there again. As much as I loved Matt, there was no way I was going back to a place I had run from only two years ago. In San Diego, I was a new woman with heaps of confidence and a comfortable life.
As I drove back to San Diego from a baby shower in Anaheim, the reality of Matt’s departure hit me and I just bawled. I pulled over to the side of the freeway and I cried for what felt like hours. I finally made myself drive home but not without a constant stream of tears. I went home and spent the rest of the weekend overwhelmed with sadness. I tried to hide it from Matt because I really wanted to be strong for him and help him leave on a happy note.
The day after Matt returned from Provo, we grabbed some breakfast together and he told me all about his trip and his cool new house. I teared up and couldn’t turn off the water works though I fought hard to stop them. Matt tried to ask me what was wrong and I tried to brush it off. He persisted and I admitted that I was overcome with sadness and couldn’t stop crying but I told him I didn’t know why. Having never really seen me cry, Matt held me and assured me it was okay to cry. But then he suggested that perhaps I needed to call Sharee or one of my girlfriends and talk to them because they might be better at helping me.
That only made me more mad since I felt like he was trying to brush off his dramatic girlfriend on someone else. He got in his truck and I got in my car fuming and I decided to do what he suggested. I called Sharee who laughed at me for being mad at Matt. She assured me that my feelings were normal and I didn’t have to be tough all the time. She encouraged me to share my fears with Matt so he would know why I was sad. I got off the phone agreeing that Matt was right because she did make me feel better and as soon as we got to my house, I opened up to him about my worries. He convinced me of all the reasons he loved me and told me that wouldn’t change when he left. He agreed that our relationship was going to take some more work but that we could do it and he had no interest in seeing other girls.
I was going to ride with Matt up to Vegas on his trip back up to Provo for school so I could get together with my college friends. When I got to his house to leave, I found him in despair at how long his packing was taking. The boy is too much of a perfectionist and spent too much time trying to organize instead of throwing everything in his truck. Our last night together in San Diego was spent quickly packing up his truck and then we jumped in the truck and headed up to Vegas.
We were both exhausted but since he had to start work the next day, we had to leave ASAP. I was too tired to even be emotional. We arrrived at my friend, Jodi’s house in Vegas around 3 am and we fell asleep right away. Matt woke up me up a few hours later to say goodbye and then he hurried out to get back on the road to Provo. Needless to say we did not have a dramatic goodbye which was probably a huge blessing.
After getting back to San Diego, I dove into work with the Heart Walk only a month away. Talk about another blessing in disguise. I had very little time to be sad and I was usually surrounded by two of my close friends, my co-workers, Dawn and Sarah, who kept me on track and kept me laughing. Make no mistake about my feelings as my sadness hit me at night when I was trying to fall asleep, but my exhaustion from working long hours helped me sleep my sadness away.
A couple days after Matt left, I came home to a beautiful bouquet of purple flowers in my room. They were left there by Terrie who admitted she knew how hard long-distance relationships could be. When she had been going through them a roommate of hers had given her a bouquet of purple flowers which made her feel better and she felt like I might need them as well. I also had Dawn to talk to daily since we shared a room and I couldn’t hide my crying from her.
Being surrounded by caring friends and co-workers was truly an act of God at a time when I needed it most. I felt so loved there in San Diego even though Matt was not with me.
We dated long distance for an excruciatingly long ten months, seeing each other about once a month. With my busy work schedule and Matt's intense school and work schedules, we had to work hard to find time to talk. But we were both dedicated to doing so. We often had "long-distance dates" where we would watch the same movie or TV show together but in our separate locations. And with our video cams, we could still see each other and make comments. There are serious benefits to dating a nerd!
We knew we did want to date long-distance forever and tried to figure out the best solution for us to be together again which we decided was for Matt to transfer schools and move back. It would have set him back in school credits but I was determined not to go back to Utah ever again. And this is where I say "never say never."
My boss changed all that when she called me in one day and mentioned that a Heart Walk position in the Salt Lake office for the AHA had opened up. Though she didn't want to lose me, she mentioned that it would be a great growth opportunity. So off I went to Utah in July 2008.
I'd like to say everything was perfect from then on but it wasn't. Seeing Matt more was amazing but I gave up a lot to do so and experienced anxiety & depression for the first time in my life. I left a job and team that I loved for a more challenging and isolating one. And I left my beloved roommates and constant companions to live by myself in an apartment 40 minutes from Matt. And he had entered his first year in the BYU Information Systems program which was an intensely busy program so I did not get to see him at much as I would have liked. He also was hit with pretty sever health issues from his autoimmune disease which was a lot for me to handle in trying to take care of him from 40 minutes away and also focus on work instead of worrying. And here I was back in Utah where I had said I would never be again.
I will say though that living and working in Salt Lake County was much more enjoyable for me than in Provo - at least at that time of my life. So it was probably good to have that negativity around Utah improved. I developed an appreciation and love for the beautiful scenery, especially the mountains, and I brought my newfound love of biking (that I had developed in San Diego) and was able to really explore the better parts of Utah. And still having friends and family there was a huge bonus!
Somehow again we made it through, despite my feelings of loneliness and anxiety, and then in February 2009, Matt proposed to me and we were married three months later (more details to come on all that later) and that loneliness and anxiety went away.
So after all this, you are probably laughing because, Matt had been correct after all that he truly is the "man of my dreams." But nobody likes being told the ending before they even open the book.
